Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
