She's JV to your varsity
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I puked a lego.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
