I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
