you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
