Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
