Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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