How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
