you would pick up someone in the library
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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