therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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