i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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