I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
