What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
