i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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