We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
