Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
