I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
