i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
