I think I died a long time ago.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
