I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I touched a dick in church today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
