Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
