I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
