I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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