we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
