why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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