Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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