Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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