I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
