Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
