I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
