I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
