I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
