You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
