is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
