I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
