Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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