He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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