Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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