Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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