sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
