your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
