just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
