I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bring me that man meat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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