please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
even my farts smell like vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i now understand why vodka
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
