you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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