They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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