Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
