bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
