Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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