i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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