I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
