you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
